As Always
by cakeisatruth
Summary: Shepard records a letter for her boyfriend and girlfriend while recovering from the Crucible explosion. Post-Destroy ending, AU where everyone lives.


**A/N: Assignment #2 for Spec Reqs rarepair exchange on AO3. Prompter requested a post-Reaper War AU.**

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 _[Start of AUDIO LOG: For A &K .mp7]_

Hey, Ash, hey, K.

It's - well, I figure you already listened to the other letter, so you know what this is about. On the chance you didn't, there's this psychologist who's been checking in on me here in the hospital. Some specialist in dealing with veterans who were in combat - she's actually pretty nice. Doesn't get star-struck or nervous or anything to be working with the big bad Shepard. Ha.

Anyway, she wanted me to write a little something for the crew, now that we've got your status report in and have an idea of when you'll get here. Said it'll help me keep feeling connected and all that. I…can't really type worth a shit with my fine motor control all jacked up like this, though, so recording it is. Put together one for the whole team already, but…you know. The Eden Prime Trio needs a special recording. I'd turn on video if I wasn't worried you'd puke looking at me.

 _[Unintelligible voice in background.]_

Hey, just being honest. Look, do you think you could wait outside? I'd kind of like some privacy for this.

 _[Unintelligible.]_

Yeah, I know, I know. Thanks.

 _[Unintelligible. Door opens and shuts.]_

So. Um. God, I'm so glad you're okay. That's…repeating myself from the other log, really. I - I didn't write a script or anything. Like I said, fine motor control, not happening right now. But mostly I didn't know what to say. It's all kinda surreal. I mean, maybe that's the drugs they've got me on, you know, while I'm recovering and all. Another thing's how…you know we talked about "after the war" sometimes, but I think part of me didn't really believe there _would_ be an "after the war." Like we'd just go on fighting forever and ever, and now that we don't have to, I dunno what to do with myself.

Not killing Reapers frees up a lot of your time. Who would've thought?

 _[Hoarse laugh; dissolves into a coughing fit.]_

Anyway, so. No more talk about my condition right now. When you get this, let me know how things are on-board. All we got was the public report, about how many injured and what repairs the ship needed. Don't get me wrong, that was great to hear. When we first heard the crew was all accounted for and stable, I just cried. Seriously. Made one of the docs give me a copy of the report and kept it right beside my bed. Best thing I ever saw.

There's gotta be a ton of stuff that wasn't in that log, though. Send me details, okay? I want - I need to know how things are going there. Feels weird not being on a ship anymore.

Know you've both got new jobs with me not on-board. K, how's it treating you, acting as CO? Hope those damn reports aren't chewing you up too bad. Paperwork's the worst part of the job. And, Ash? Congrats on making interim XO. Not as exciting as Spectre, but you know. Still smashing the Williams curse, right?

Proud of you both. Seriously, just…so damn proud.

 _[Mattress creaking.]_

It's not only about professional stuff, though. Been wondering how day-to-day life's going, in off-duty hours, now that the war's over and the ship's mostly fixed. It's weird not being there, after we were all in it together for so long.

 _[Pause.]_

I don't…miss the war. I don't think anyone does. I miss our late nights, though. Remember how we used to spread out blankets on the floor in my cabin and call a stop to work talk, and just cuddle or talk about stupid stuff? That was…yeah. When I was going up, like, to fire the Crucible, I thought about you every step. Good memories all the way to the finish. And, well, some of my favorite memories will always be that. The three of us hanging around in that blanket nest on the floor.

I remember what you said, Ash, about taking fifteen or twenty minutes a day just to breathe. Or ten minutes if you only had ten. You were the only one who kept me doing that, some nights. Okay - most nights. You know how I am. I need to work. It was…really, really good, though, having that time to take the pressure off. Even the nights when we were grasping for a joke and trying so hard to pretend we weren't thinking about war. Do - K, you remember that night you and I were playing _Galaxy of Fantasy_ just for the hell of it, because we didn't know what else to do, and by the end we had every datapad we owned hooked up in order to XP grind faster? Then I looked up and it was 0300, and we were like, "What the hell, we just spent all night on an MMO for kids?" Seriously one of the best nights ever.

 _[Wistful sigh. Slight pause. Clears throat.]_

Is Ash still stealing your clothes? Hey, with her being the only one to share with, you might actually be getting to wear that red button-up sometimes, right?

Enjoy that while you can, both of you. I'm calling dibs on it when you get here.

 _[Awkward pause.]_

Speaking of when you get here…I heard some rumors about extended shore leave for the _Normandy_ crew once it docks. It's gonna be great. You remember that big list we made, the three of us, about stuff we wanted to do when the war ended? Bring that datapad when you come see me, would you? I forget a lot of what we wrote, and I want to remember it all.

I've got the important stuff, though. Ash, I tried to get in touch with your sisters - at least find them - but the comm channels aren't great and reception here's awful. You've probably got a ton more to go on than I do. If you haven't heard anything by the time you dock, we'll pool our resources and pull some strings. Promise.

As for the big feast we kept talking up - still got the matter of rations, but we'll make it happen. After all this crummy hospital food, bet I'm even more eager than you two. No sushi, though. Kinda lost my taste for it after falling through that fish tank.

 _[Wry chuckle.]_

Yeah, we can pretend to be civilians and run around the city for a while. I'm, ah - well, we'll figure out the physical stuff when you get here. They say I'm making progress in physical therapy. Hurts like hell, but I'm pushing to get back to normal soon as I can. I dunno how much they told you about how I am. Docs said it was kind of touch and go, but don't listen to that. I'm gonna be just fine. Cyborg parts are more durable than I realized. Gotta remember to thank Miranda for that when I see her next time.

Shit, wait. This wasn't supposed to be about - um. Where was I?

The fish doing okay?

 _[Short laugh.]_

Sorry. Trying to make a joke there. Anyway, yeah. Running around the city like civilians. We can try to pretend, but I gotta warn you, the press is gonna be in everyone's face. Hospital staff are keeping reporters off me, and I guess you can probably just decline calls - you're doing that, right? - but once we're all out and about, all bets are off.

I'll practice my deep breathing. Not gonna punch anybody. I know you're rolling your eyes, K.

 _[Pause. Door opens; unintelligible voice in background.]_

No, I'm not done yet. Let me finish.

 _[Unintelligible.]_

I don't know, five minutes? No, ten. Just give me ten minutes.

 _[Unintelligible. Door closes.]_

Okay, um - I've gotta cut the recording here. I don't really know how to end this. Not sure how stable the comms are or what our time difference is, but call or text me whenever, okay? Don't worry about waking me up. I sleep whenever and I'd rather - you know, I miss your voices. Miss everything about you guys.

Damn. I kill a few lousy fleets of Reapers and I turn into a sentimental sap.

 _[Bursts out laughing, followed by unpleasant hacking coughs.]_

Ugh. Sorry. Listen, I love you both and can't wait to talk to you, and I'm so glad you're okay. Talk to you hopefully soon.

 _[Blows a kiss, then blows another.]_

Shepard signing off.

 _[End of audio log.]_


End file.
